if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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