So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
birth control should be required to get into college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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