she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
