You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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