i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
