$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
