u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
