My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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