Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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