the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
