I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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