nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
