I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
