I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
