you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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