dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
