A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
