Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
