omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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