i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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