She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
