He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
