In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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