moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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