you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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