I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
