if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
