so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
