If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
A+ Viking dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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