found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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