my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
