I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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