We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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