The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
