It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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