I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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