Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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