Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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