Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
