Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
