I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
