just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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