Kiss
Puke
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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