apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
