Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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