Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
