Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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