Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
