the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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