At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
