Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This baby is an asshole
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
